How to catch a cheating spouse can be tricky to say the least, if you think that your spouse is having an affair. You want to protect yourself and your family but you have to be careful not to let your suspicions harm your relationship with your spouse if they aren’t cheating. That is, if you want to stay in the marriage.
You really need to discover concrete, real evidence to confront your mate if you suspect cheating. After all, what if you are wrong! But usually your instincts on something like this are correct especially if you have been married to your partner for a while.
So, even though you may be in an angry or hurt emotional state, it would be best to try to stay as calm as you can be and try to detect the truth and catch the cheater. You want to be prepared when you confront your spouse.
Now, let’s look at a few (but not all) methods that have worked to catch a cheating spouse.
If you have access to the cell phone billing records of your significant other, this is a good way to find evidence. Look for numbers that you don’t recognize and one that is called a lot more then any other numbers.
If you can get your hands on the cell phone itself when you partner isn’t around you can look at the numbers called. Most cell phone keep track of calls made, how many calls were made or came in from different numbers. Look for a telephone number that is either called a lot or that your mate’s telephone received a significant number of calls from.
Any numbers that seem suspicious to you can be looked up on reverse telephone directories available online .
If you know how far your mate drives a day to and from work on average or how far it is to hangouts that they like, you can start to keep a mileage book and monitor their usual mileage. If there is a sudden jump in mileage on a day that you suspect a meeting with their lover, you might have a good clue to prove their infidelity.
This will require that you can monitor the mileage on the car that they drive on a regular basis without arousing suspicion, but this is a good way that most people don’t think of; maybe even your cheating spouse.
This is a good way to really find out if your partner is cheating, but a very difficult one to pull off. Unless you are very good at disguising yourself and are very good at tailing someone in a car, this will probably give away the fact that you are suspicious and may cause them to change their behaviour.
This is probably the most expensive way of catching a cheating spouse, but also probably the most reliable way to gather information. A private investigator can provide proof in a number of ways such as video, photos, recordings and more. Much of this could possibly be used if you decide to divorce your spouse.
If your own investigation shows that your mate is having an extramarital affair, you might want to go to this step if you think your marriage is irreconcilable.
QuestionMy husband cheated but I want him back. Am I crazy?
My husband of 5 years was let go from his job about 6 months ago and couldn’t find work where we live. He did find a job in another city that was too far away to drive home every night. So, he rented a room there and commuted home on weekends.
I started noticing that he was very quiet when he was home on weekends, which is unusual for him and our sex life wasn’t great like it had been. I chalked it up to the stress of commuting.
Then the cell phone bill came in and I noticed a number of calls to one number with some of the calls lasting over an hour. I confronted him and he confessed to having an affair with someone in the city that he worked in.
I immediately told him that he had to quit the job or we were done. He said that the affair was over and that this was the best work opportunity that he had ever had. I insisted that it was either me or the job. He said that we would talk more about it next weekend and left for the other city.
The next weekend he told me that he loved me more then ever, that he was very guilty about the affair and that it wouldn’t happen again. But he said that he didn’t want to leave his job and be broke again.
I don’t know what to do now. I can’t put up with the cheating, but he is right about the job opportunity. He might not ever get a chance like this again.
Please give me some advice.
Answer:
Cheating isn’t about location, he could very well cheat in your town as well as in the other. True, he does have a better chance of not getting caught when not in the same town as you.
I think this all boils down to whether you believe him when he says that he won’t cheat again. If you do, it doesn’t matter where he live during the week. If you don’t and you can’t handle him cheating, then it is probably time to think about leaving the marriage or getting marriage counseling.
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Question: My husband accuses me of cheating and I’m not. What can I do?
I have been married over 20 years to my husband and once about 18 years ago I was unfaithful to him, but he never knew. Now he thinks I am cheating with one of his friends and I’ not.
He makes snide remarks about seeing me with his friend (I’ll call him Fred) from a distance coming out of a local motel and he questions me about every moment of my day. It is driving me crazy.
We have sat down to talk about it a couple of times but we get nowhere. He says that he is convinced that I am sleeping with Fred and he has even accused Fred to his face. Fred told him that he is totally wrong about this and has stopped associating with him. The fact that Fred wants nothing to do with him now, had only increased his suspicion of us.
I can’t imagine getting a divorce after being married for over 20 years, but I am getting to the point that I can’t stand it. The constant accusations and snooping into what I do is starting to take a toll on me. I don’t want to live this way.
I don’t know what to do. Any suggestions are welcome.
Answer:
Are you sure that he doesn’t know that you cheated before? He might have found out then or recently and this could be how he is reacting.
You might ask him why he thinks that you would cheat and that could bring up the past if that is part of it. Also, are you certain that he is not cheating? Sometimes guilty people react against their spouse to calm their own guilt.
It seems that you are going to have to bring this to a head one way or the other because it does sound like you are heading to a divorce if nothing changes.
Have you suggested that you two go to a marriage counselor, although this could bring out your past dalliance. If he is against going to a counselor, you might want to tell him that you are at the end of your patience and are thinking about a divorce because of this situation. If he values the marriage, he will probably agree to see a counselor. If he doesn’t, that might me your answer. Maybe this is his way to get out of the marriage.
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Question: My husband “cheats” on the internet. How can I stop it?
My husband and I were married about a year ago. Before we were married I knew that he liked to hang out in sex chat rooms, flirt with the women there and have “cyber sex” with them. He never met any of the women in person but had long time female “friends” that he did this with.
At first it didn’t bother me but after a while I asked that he stop it as we had a great sexual relationship and I didn’t see why he did this. He didn’t want to stop, he said that it gave him “variety that he needed”.
Our agreement before we got married was that he would stop this although it took a long time to convince him. I told him that I wouldn’t marry him if he didn’t stop.
Now, I find that he is back to doing this again. I found out by going into his computer and spying on him. I felt bad about the spying, but I wanted to confirm my suspicions.
We had a big fight about it and he just doesn’t understand why this is bad. He says it is a harmless diversion and it stops him from going out to find other women. He says that he needs “variety”.
I am afraid that this may end our marriage because I don’t know if I can handle it and I don’t know if he will really stop.
Do you think that I should just divorce him and move on from this marriage before we have children?
Answer:
This is a problem with many marriages. I don’t mean the cyber cheating, I mean people thinking that they can change their partner. It usually doesn’t happen.
Most people have habits that are a part of their basic nature and can only change them for short periods of time to get something they want. Your husband obviously wanted you and altered his behavior for a period of time, but couldn’t keep it up.
Also, most people can only change a habit when they really want to change. Your husband changed because you wanted it, not because he wanted it.
Your comment about divorce before having children, I think, showed your best thinking about this situation. Children will only complicate this situation and will cause more problems, mainly for the children.
You can try counseling to see if your husband or you have a real desire to change their position. If not, you should consider moving on from the relationship as, I believe, this is a very basic disagreement about behavior that is crucial to your marriage. If you continue on without somebody changing their mind about this, you are probably just postponing the inevitable.
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